The Perfectly Normal Haunting

I know my house was only built in the 80’s, and not even the early part of the 80‘s.  But I am completely positive, more positive than I am about the existence of the chupacabra, that my parents bought a house which is haunted by a perfectly normal man.

The Perfectly Normal Man, or PNM as we will now call him, is an expert in appearing at the corner of my eye.  He’s amazing at it.  I’ll be walking around my parents house which is full of angles,stairs, knick-knacks and dogs frolicking.  Suddenly there he will be, lurking in the least menacing way possible.

He is the best/worst lurker ever.  I mean, when I catch him its never like on the discovery channel.  I don’t flip out and dance in a circle waving my arms and squealing prayers.  Probably cause I’m not a pansy, but that’s beside the point.  Should I somehow exorcise him?  Is it fair to exorcise a ghost who’s one crime is being not that upsetting and remarkably normal?  This was probably his house way before it was mine.

But what if he turns invisible and spies on me?

What if he is Patrick Swayze, and I can look forward to making ghost pottery and cuddling with Whoopi Goldberg in the near future?  There is no way I am gonna risk fucking that chance up!

Plus, exorcisms look like a disgustingly horrifying business.  I can’t clean up my own vomit without activating my up-chuck cycle all over again and locking myself into a perpetual loop of atrocity.  There is no way I could handle that green slime.  Could PNM produce green slime?  Or is that skill limited only to ghosts of a more demonic inclination?

PNM is way too normal to get up to slime shenanigans now, but an exorcism could easily take my life from zero percent slime to IM SO SORRY percent in the time it takes an eagle to be inspiring (very little time).  Would he accept an apology if I failed to exorcise him into oblivion?  He seems polite now, but it could be because I’m a guest in his little house of peculiars (not horrors, just peculiars). 

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “for the love of God Caitlin, I could convince you to do practically anything if I mentioned a dinosaur was involved, even tangentially.  Your parent’s house isn’t haunted, you are just easy to convince.”  And to that, I say, you’re right.  Half the time when I was a toddler I got in trouble for doing things my twin sister was afraid to do herself because she had enough common sense to realize that X would result in Y (Y=punishment and/or bleeding).  She would talk me into trying all sorts of things that resulted in mild to moderate bodily harm.

But consider this: three times while I was writing this he lurked into my field of vision and I yelled at him because he was lurking in a not-so-creepy-but-kinda-eerie way.  PNM is too normal to be more than slightly disconcerting.  I bet he does it on purpose he is lulling me into a false sense of security probably.

I’ll let you know.