And then I short-circuted and it was AWFUL

Dear friends,

I have been gone for several days.  This was not my fault.  I totally didn’t mean to do it.
You see Twin, Nephew and Brother-in-Law (BIL) came up to visit this weekend.  This was wonderful, because I love seeing all of them, especially twin.  Unfortunately, when there is a small child in the house my brain goes from moderately normal with only the occasional interlude of ridiculousness to complete malfunction.  This causes me to be unable to perform more than the most basic function.

I feel bad when this happens, because I want to be like a normal adult abd be able to behave functionally around small children and loud noises but I can't.  This may have something to do with the fact that children are very frail and their skull sutures are not yet fused; or that the first time I met my nephew he crawled up to me while I was reading and bit me on the nose.
Anyway, I have returned, and I apologize for being all gone and stuff.

The other day I got to perform what can only be described as a most awesome act.  That is, sifting for gemstones in a manmade creek using a bag of dirt I bought for seven dollars.

Am I ashamed to pay for dirt?  No, because I got a piece of flourite that is part blue and part purple and I bet you don’t even have a piece of flourite so suck it!

It was a delightful time, my mom and I tricked my uncle into going to the Luray caverns with us; we had an amazing time and took many pictures.  My uncle grudgingly admitted that this was much more fun that sitting at home and watching the antiques road show.  (You are welcome for the free publicity Luray.)

It was amazing, there was gorgeous cave formations that we could admire and an irritating toothless southern woman who refused to believe the guide when she explained the fractures in the cave ceiling we not man-made, but a naturally occurring process in the bedrock.  After all, why would the cave tour guide know more than the toothless redneck grandmother?

Anyway, the caves were a delightful conglomeration of calcite, iron oxide and majesty; despite the efforts of TRG, who seemed intent on making sure everyone thought she was a complete idiot.  (I always wonder about people like that.  What drives them?  What makes them think they can act the way they do?  Are they secretly lizard people or CHUDS; each trying to blend in with us but failing?)  My mother was disappointed by the lack of active formations, but the over-all impressiveness of the formations cancelled it out.

After that we went to the automotive museum.  There were several delightful aspect to this museum.  The first was the atrocious manikins, who were literally terrifying and just malformed enough to make them completely disconcerting.  I took pictures, I am trying to figure out how I can put them up so you can share in my revulsion.  The second was the awesome acne ridden asshole teenager who yelled at me for pointing at a car.

That’s right; I didn’t know this but it apparently I have extendo-arms and when I am 6 feet away from a car and pointing it means that I am actually trying to touch the 1932-whatever-the-hell-it-is.  This is a major concern because we all know that if there is one delicate thing in the world, it is the pure fucking iron body of an old ford.  You should also be concerned about how little I seem to know about my own physical capabilities.

Here is the mistake the stupid teenager made; I had no desire to touch the cars.  I am a respectful museum go-er, I don’t touch shit or scratch my initials into the bust of Aphrodite or anything.  But when you tell me that I cant touch the silly car in a voice that says this is the only authority you have and you enjoy exercising it more than you enjoy 3rd base, well that makes me want to touch everything.  I want to turn into a giant fucking squid with tentacles and suckers with spines in them and completely destroy your entire world with my touch.  I want to be a ray of light and shine down, touching everything for infinity!  I want to lick your museum exhibit.  I completely lose the ability to respect your stuff, is what I am saying.  That is what happens when you scream across a room at me to not touch something when I am clearly unable to reach the object in question.

Thankfully, after we escaped the museum (where I neurotically looked around and touched everything) we went to another Luray museum that focused on the people of the area, rather than the transportation.  I am always for these museums because I love how creative smaller museums like this get.  I mean sure, the Smithsonian has the best exhibits, but the Luray Caverns people-focused museum was really creative about their display (example: burned parchment paper with italic writing on it describing each object) and their whole building theme was log cabin, and they had interactive exhibits and they let me have shiny minerals.