Today I am super excited because I got my welcome packet to the ranch I will soon be working at, Vista Verde. That right, a ranch, I am that much closer to being able to be a legit cowboy. I'm not all the way yet, but soon, Soon! I am so pumped that I think at any moment I will spew rainbows out of my nose on to the carpet that my mom just spent 2 days rug doctoring. And then the carpet would be 6 times better, and yet 6 times worse.
Anyway, I literally stumbled into this job at the ranch. I have been applying to an average of 10 jobs a week since the Russian Spy refused to talk to me until I started planning my future beyond ‘its not happening and I refuse to think about it.’ Russian Spy and Boyfriend both tag teamed me for a week before I cracked, admitted that I was graduating and would have to move, and applied to a job as a lab assistant in Montana. I thought for sure that I could make it without talking to either of them cause I’m pretty socially awkward; enough that I have gone through long periods without any meaningful social conversation.
Boy was I wrong. I lasted about 12 minutes at work before I was begging the Russian Spy to talk to me. Perhaps my sorority has rubbed off on me after all. (It has, for sure. They are a delightful bunch and made me way more delighted to be around people)
I applied for this job about 3 weeks ago after my aunt went to the ranch and fell in love with it and recommended me to the hiring manager. I had spent all the interim time puttering around getting business clothes and planning my awesome business days spent wearing my grey pencil skirt, pearls, and snazzy glasses. This was a great plan except for the total silence from almost every job I have applied for. A word to HR, grow a pair, learn some manners and send a fucking rejection letter. As much as I enjoy silence on whether or not you want me to be a secretary for you, its really rude and upsetting. I was optimistic, kind of, until one day I started sleeping until noon and staying up till 3 and changing into new pajamas after I showered. Literally, I have so little to do right now that my workouts are lasting an hour and a half and it doesnt matter if i change my clothes.
This job saved my soul. I am surprised my parents haven’t murdered me yet because I have been lurking around the house like a mother bear whose cubs were taken away by the Cub Protection Agency. This is like the first time I’ve been homesick in my life, which is nice because I am at home and realizing how irrational I am doesn’t stop me from being completely irrational.
And not only is it a job, it could very well be the best job ever. One of my jobs main requirements is to (get excited) dress like a cowboy.
You did read that correctly.
I am going to be a housekeeper, which will be fun because cleaning is good for the soul. My other job is to make sure everyone is happy and having fun. Which is great, because if you are happy and having fun, usually everyone else is. Unless you are Hitler, or Joaquin Phoenix, and I am a lady so I must not be them. I was worried for a second but then I remembered that, despite my best efforts, I cannot grow facial hair at all, and since both men rock face warmers, and I do not, I cannot be them. My logic is infallible.
Its gonna be wonderful, I can feel it in my bones. I can not wait to go out to the mountains and experience something new and awe inspiring and exciting!
Sorry I wasn’t funny today.
:D:D :D :D :D :D :D
(I don’t care I’m too excited)
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