The Best Playground Ever

Once upon a time, when I was moderately young, and still very small (I hit my growth spurt late, like, growing an inch in college late) I apparently had my first boyfriend.  I think his name was Kevin.  I’m not sure because I only learned that he was my very first boyfriend because my twin sister told me.  I just remembered him for existing.  Also, because he had one blue eye and one brown eye, a characteristic that I found very dashing (apparently).

Kevin and I had very few interactions, I think we did anyway.  I remember we jumped rope once, but he was too tall for my jump rope.  Also, he stole my coat once and ran away with it.  This was when I lived in Germany.  Our playground was the size of several football fields, contained a real forest, and stood on the side of a mountain.  Imagine my all-consuming horror when I moved to civilian schools.  Cheese and crackers, safety Nazis ruined EVERYTHING for civilian kids, those playgrounds were a disgrace.

Anyway, he stole my coat and ran into the enchanted playground forest, so I ran after him.  At this point most people would expect to hear about how we awkwardly kissed and never spoke again.  Most people would be wrong.  I tackled his ass to the ground, took my coat back (I remember, it was pink with gold stitching and was totally the most awesome coat ever) and informed him that boy scouts, like him, were a bunch of sissies.  Then I walked away feeling like a CHAMP.

I miss that playground.  We had grand adventures, we built awesome houses out of sticks and had epic wars where we annihilated other kid’s stick houses.  There was this ancient wooden castle play structure.  The bottom was our dungeon.  I was only imprisoned once, because I was very small and agile, like a mongoose.  The top of this castle was a place I was not allowed to go, because I wasn’t a cool kid even then.  Twin could go to the top though, she was always cooler than I was.  She said it was boring and the girls there didn’t do anything but talk about boring stuff.  That made me feel better.

More important than the castle was the zip-line swing.  I am certain that this swing caused enough injuries to make any sissy suburbanite faint and call their lawyer.  It was a big swing on a high platform, and you sat on it, and it zoomed 100 yards down a wire and hit an anchor and swung high up in the air. 

I had the best playground ever.  We even found a clump of amethyst buried in it once.  We had so many good times in the enchanted forest.  We frolicked with unicorns, and battled hordes of evil creatures (boys) to protect whatever magical animal we envisioned flitting through the trees.  It was basically the best playground in the whole wide world.